Bohmian Rhapsody

Is this the real world? Is this just fantasy?
Heisenberg’s theory is divorced from reality
Open your eyes, look into to the quantum sea

I’m just a boson, who needs locality
Because my \Psi tells me where to go, pushing me to and fro
Any way my path goes, it’s all really hap’ning to me, to me

Quantum—what a bogeyman
I think we should instead
Find a theory that embeds
Quantum—one that still retains
A truth not just in someone’s reference frame
Quantum—(\mu) I can’t model spin but why
Should spin be that important in the long run
Baryon, Baryon, ’cause it’s all really matter

It’s been a hundred years
Since billiard balls and springs
Got replaced by stranger things
Goodbye, classicality, you’ve got to go
Got to leave it all behind and face the truth:
Quantum—(\mu) I don’t want to roll the die
Sometimes I wish Born’s rule weren’t true at all

I see a little silhouetto of a man
Bohm-deBroglie, Bohm-deBroglie, will you tell me your theory?
Wavefunction and \nabla \phi, your equations guiding me
Albert Einstein, Albert Einstein, Albert Einstein, Albert Einsein
Albert Einstein, Schrödinger, von Neuman, Bohr
I’m just a boson, subject to uncertainty
He’s just a boson, restored in ontology
Spare him a life of epistemology

Who needs reality, will you let it go?
(Let it go!) QBism! We will not let it go!
(Let it go!) QBism! We will not let it go!
(Let it go!) Will not let it go
(Let it go!) Will not let it go (Let it go)
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
Oh mamma mia, mamma mia, mamma mia let it go!
Fuchs, Caves, and Schack have a universe that’s made for me, for me, just me


So you think that your theory is better than mine?
So you think that contextuality is fine?
Oh, crazy, you don’t think it’s too crazy
Just gotta find out: is the universe really real

*guitar solo*

It’s all really happ’ning, anyone can see
It’s all really happ’ning
It’s all really happ’ning to me
Any way my path goes

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